Art of the Union

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Minimum Wage raises on fire off the shoulder of Capitol Hill. I’ve watched pepperoni pizzas glitter in the dark near Omaha, Nebraska. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to suspend.”

And like that, Herman Cain has ended his bid for the Oval Office. With questionable grace and a severely embarrassed spouse, the Republican blaxploitation film that was the Cain campaign ended Saturday. Complete with exuberant wardrobe and outsider attitude, “Black Almond” crashed into town taking no prisoners. With an all strength/no humility attitude, Cain shook up the establishment with the same fury that he typically reserves for women’s skirts. And then, with a bright and misinformed future ahead of him, his campaign came undone quicker than his zipper.

Make no mistake about it, Herman Cain was a fame hungry circus clown. But, what he lacked as a politician he made up for in being a comedic genius. It would not surprise me if it were to come out that the Cain campaign was a Chuckles Hut improvisational bit that got carried away. The Women for Cain stock photo, Chile model, and that great knee slapper of a campaign commercial. The only candidate to go the student film route for his campaign. I’m sure on the cutting room floor lies the scene where a girl has milk poured on her by a weeping mime. Cain will surely take these skills with him to a new career, as Americans love nothing more than hearing blowhard fools make noises with their mouths.

You see, Herman Cain is the definition of what is wrong with politics today. A political landscape that allows campaign platforms to be built on shit instead of soil and still flourish. A place where sexual harassment charges are on par with electoral votes. You can know nothing, but a well-crafted lie to your base will satisfy them just fine. We live in a time where being able to say I’m an outsider is enough to gain the trust of the masses. 

I’m sorry, but I want a politician to run for president. I believe that our system started going downhill when the “outsiders” started campaigning for office, not for the people, but to rig the system for the benefit of their elite associates. Cain may have not been a politician, but he was a lobbyist and a serial womanizer. I would trade all the Gingrichs, Bachmanns, and Cains for just one more Kennedy, Roosevelt, or Eisenhower. It would be in the United States best interest to decipher the difference between not trusting in the short term and being fooled for the long term.